I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
