I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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