also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
