I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
