Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize