you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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