If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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