Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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