Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's no shave November. This is our time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
