every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
