Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
