Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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