be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
