Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
