Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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