ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize