I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
