Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
