Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
