even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
