somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
