My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
