If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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