there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
