I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
