she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize