If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
