she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
