it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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