My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
