My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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