I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
