I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
