I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
