Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
