he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
