I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
