Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
