6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
