my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
