Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
