Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize