mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this boner is exhausting
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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