Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
