I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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