we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
