I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
