So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
