I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
