in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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