Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
