I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
