you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
