Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
