I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
