I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
