she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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