So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
