he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
