i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
