I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
