I puked a lego.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
