Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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