had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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