just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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